JenerallySpeaking

Warning - this is a very long post, so get comfortable, you’ll be here for a couple of minutes.

Last night I had the most distrubing set of dreams that I have had in a very long time.

The kind of dreams that make you cry in your sleep.

And by cry - I mean sobbing like a little girl. The tears, the hiccupy breath… it wasn’t pleasant, to say the least.

Have I ever told you guys about my friend Eric? No? I don’t remember if I have told this story before or not, and I am to lazy to look back in my archives to see...but I am thinking probably not - I might have mentioned it a time or two… but anyway, I have to tell the story of Eric before I can tell you about the dream...(this is the super short ultra abridged version of this story by the way - other wise you would be reading until next week)

So.. in 7th grade I met Eric - he was a friend of a friend kind of thing, we figured out that we had a ton of friends in common and we hung out more and more. Some more time goes on and now my friend Beth is in serious love with him - so we see even more of him… then summer ended and we headed off to different school’s. Eric was a grade ahead of us in school - so while Beth and I were still stuck in Jr. High - Eric was off to High School. Beth still pined over Eric - and we talked to him now and then...but things were different.

Then we hit high school - and we all just kind of picked up where we left off - Beth and I had taken up the ultra cool habit of smoking (that is sarcasm) and so during our open campus lunch hour - we all hung out across the street from the school at a little PDQ and Pizza shop. It’s where all the metal heads/banger/long hairs/whatever you called us in your school, hung out. Most of the time we didn’t go back to class - we just hung out. The crew consisted of Steve, Ryan, Nate, Eric, Beth, Ellen, Misty, Tammy, Amy, Andrea, a hand full of other metal heads, and of course me. We were all pretty tight through school - we partied, we drank, we smoked...and all the while it was together.

Well life went on - high school ended, we all still hung out together - everything was great. Then Eric kind of seperated out from us - got heavey into drugs - mostly Crystal Meth, and eventually he and Nate moved out to Idaho. After a while Nate came home - I don’t really remember the reason anymore, I don’t know if it was a fight with Eric or what… but regardless, Nate came home and Eric stayed in Idaho. By this time Eric had, had a long time girlfriend and 2 daughters, all the while into drugs. We would hear about him through Ellen or Misty - he kept in close contact with them - they were his best friends - but it had been a couple of years since I had seen or really even talked to him.

Little did I know, I would never see him again.

It was 4th of July weekend a few years ago. I was still living at my parents house - so my mom came into my room and woke me up. Ellen was on the phone and something had happend to Eric.

Ellen told me that Eric’s body had been found off of Bogus Basin Road in Idaho. He had been murdered, his throat slit - and he was left to die there. Alone. They fiugred that his body had been there for at least 3 days before anyone found him.

I went numb. I didn’t cry - I didn’t do anything. I hung up with Ellen and just kind of sat there for a little while. I called Beth - she had already heard news - she was already sobbing. I tried to comfort her the best I could, but I didn’t have the words, and besides the fact - I had to call Steve and give him the bad news. Steve and Eric had known each other since elementary. They were even in boy scouts together and everything. I knew it would break his heart - and I knew I had to be the one to tell him.

In the mean time Ellen called back with all of the details for the memorial service and such - so when I was armed with the info, I dialed Steve - and gave him the news. He took it well - at least he did while he was on the phone with me. I gave him all the info for the memorial service and hung up the phone.

By the time the memorial service came - I couldnt get myself to go. I didn’t want to face it. I didn’t want to re-live the greif, I didn’t want to see any of my high school friends...nothing. So I stayed home. I had already said good-bye and didn’t want to do it again. I got a memorial tattoo - it’s one of the birds on my back. That is my way of saying good bye - I have one for my grandma too (a pink sparrow for grandma and a blue one for eric) - Eric and Grandma died within two weeks of each other. That July was the worst July I had ever lived through.

So that’s the story - The dream is in the extended entry.

I don’t remember a whole lot of it - just blurry little bits and peices. I was at a carnival or fair of some kind, and I was all by myself. Everything about the carnival was oversized and out of sync, and kind of scary. I was walking around and came up to a roller coaster, and there was my friend Tammy. I walked up to her and said hello - she was visably upset, I thought she was mad at me, but she just shook her head and pointed to this big oversized chair. There was a bunch of papers and pictures on the chair. So I walked over to see what the big deal was.

The big deal was - the chair was covered with pictures and news paper articles all about Eric. I started looking them over and just feel to my knees in front of the chair.. and started to sob. I poured over the pictures. They were like still shots of old memories. I just cryed and cryed...and finally just laid my head down on the chair amongst all of the pictures and just cried my eyes out.

Next thing I know - Nate is there, he picks me up by my shoulders so that I am standing and facing him. He says comforting things to me - I don’t remember what but then He holds me and lets me cry - and tells me to come with him over to the stage - there is something there that I needed to see. We walk over to this gnarled black stage with a big red velvet like curtain drawn down all around it. I stood in the audience which was comprised of all of my highschool friends - most of whom, I have not seen in many years. We were all crying - we had all seen the chair. I saw Steve across the way and went over to talk to him. He just kind of ignored me - so I went back to where I was before and stood and waited.

The curtain finally goes up - and people all over in the audience just start screaming, and screaming, and crying, and wailing.. the noise was incredible. I can’t see what is going on up on the stage, so I start making my way through the crowd to get closer. As I am walking I feel a hand grab my wrist - I turn around to see who it is and it is Steve. He is crying and tells me not to go any closer to the stage - I don’t want to see what is up there. It would be better if I didn’t go up to the stage. Which both scares the shit out of me and makes me want to see what is on the stage. I tell him I am a big girl and I can handle it..

I start walking again - this time Nate stops me and tells me the same thing, I walk more and Ryan stops me, I walk more and then The girls stop me.. it kept going on like this for a while. I finally get to the stage and walk up the little stairs - and all of a sudden everything is quiet. Only the wind is blowing - so I look out on the audience to see whats happening and they are all just kind of standing there swaying with the wind.

I turn back to my task to find out what it is in the middle of the stage. I was right up to it and still can’t quite tell what I am looking at.

Then it comes into focus. And it is Eric. He is long dead and rotting....

I start sobbing again, and I am trying to back away from him - and get the hell off of the stage - I start running and running and running...to no avail. I couldn’t get away from him - it was like the further away I tried to run..the closer to him I got. My friends finally pulled me off the stage and as soon as I hit the ground - I woke up. In tears.

I have had dreams about Eric before - but nothing like this. I would wake up and feel sad - but there were never tears involved.

I don’t know what triggered it, but I hope to never have it again!

Well if you made it this far - congratulations, and thanks for reading. I couldn’t get myself to talk to anyone about the dream so I thought I would post it here..

So the man that killed Eric was caught. They were friends and had a fight over some Meth - or so the murderer says. The day Eric was killed - was the day he was going to head home. He was tired of the life style he had in Idaho, missed his friends, and wanted to clean up. He packed his car up and was coming home. He hooked up with The guy who ended up killing him apparantly to get high one last time - they had an arguement and that was that.

The man was tried and convicted they dropped the death penalty and gave him life in prision. The conviction was later turned over due to a Miranda Rights violation, and the murderer is currently waiting for a re-trial, one where his confession will be omitted from evidence.

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